Both a relief and a weight on my mind.

I am not physically sick. Apparently its mental.

As I went to the Doctor we talked for a little bit, and he suggested we could do blood work....to figure out what it was. I froze up out of fear, then my mother started talking about the things she is ALWAYS nagging me about.

My fears of talking on the phone, driving, and my unease of just ordering food.

I started to tear up a little and he put his folder down and said,"Bloodwork isn't going to make a difference. Two years ago nothing showed up....I know the problem." I looked up, hoping desperatly for an answer. "She's suffering from depression."

My jaw dropped, and suddenly tears started pouring from my eyes. Depression. I was suffering from depression. I never thought I could...

I always tried to look at everything positive, to stay smiling for my friends and help in every way I can. And apparently that has all piled up on me and affected me in a drastic way.

Just by looking at me, watching me trying not to cry he could tell I had this severe anxiety and depression disorder. Said it's nothing to be ashamed of....and I told myself in my head....OF COURSE ITS NOT! I'll do anything! Just fix me! I want to live a normal life! To be with my friends! To get excited and not get sick! Please, you got to help me! Stop telling me it will be okay, I just want to be better!

So I have yet another appointment....with a psychiatrist. Im praying it will help me. I really am.

But.....we won't be able to fix it till after Thanksgiving, my birthday and christmas AND New Years.....which means I can't eat. Which means I'm.....ugh....I'll stop ranting I'm sorry.



Basically to sum it up...........All the problems I have is because of a Severe Anxiety and Depression Disorder.